


That's Not Him

by SilenceIsGolden15



Series: Voltron Oneshots [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death Experiences, Post Naxzela, Shiro (Voltron) Has a Clone, Team as Family, congrats, thats right folks its a clone shiro fic and a post naxzela fic all in one!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 20:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14340768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilenceIsGolden15/pseuds/SilenceIsGolden15
Summary: After the Naxzela attack, Matt seeks out Shiro, the only person he thinks can help Keith after his near-suicidal attempt to take down the shield. But to his surprise, Shiro seems apathetic, and Matt finds himself wondering why.





	That's Not Him

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yes so this is the first fic I wrote after season four and hoo boy. I nearly had a panic attack at the end of episode six jfc. And I was pissed at that fake ass clone bitch so here's a little bit of both enjoy.

It had been several days since the Naxzela attack, and Matt was still feeling the aches and pains from it. Everyone else undoubtedly was as well, but they were all cheerful despite it. Naxzela had been a major victory for Voltron. But still, something had been bugging Matt ever since, and finally he realized that he had to get someone else to help him. And Shiro was just the man for the job.

The newly restored black paladin was on the bridge of the Castle, as usual these days, studying charts and maps of the Empire. Already planning the next course of action. He didn’t turn when Matt entered, absorbed in his work.

“Shiro.” He turned at Matt’s voice, and gave him a smile. “Can I talk to you?”

“Sure.” With a wave of his hand, Shiro dismissed the maps and stepped down from the console. Matt stopped a few feet from him. “What is it?”

“Look, I think you should talk to Keith.” 

Shiro’s easy expression melted into one of concern. “Why? Did something happen?”

“Do you remember how Keith said he was going to take down the Galra ship during the attack?” Shiro nodded slowly, not liking where this conversation was going. “Well, our guns couldn’t get through the barrier, no matter what we threw at it. And Keith…” Matt paused and took a breath, bracing himself for the look that was going to appear on Shiro’s face. “He was going to try and crash his ship through it.”

To Matt’s surprise, Shiro looked unmoved. 

“Ok?” he said, puzzled as to why this was a big deal. Clearly that didn’t happen because of Lotor, so what was the problem?

“Hitting that barrier would have killed him.” Matt said, brow furrowed in confusion. Why wasn’t Shiro reacting? “He was going to kill himself, Shiro.”

The paladin sighed rather dismissively and crossed his arms. “He’s been training with the Blade of Marmora.” he said. “They’re pretty big on the whole self sacrifice thing.”

“So what, you’re not worried that he was just going to throw his life away?” 

“Not really. He was probably just thinking of the bigger picture. I’m sure everything is fine.” Matt couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He just stood there in shock as Shiro turned back to the console and brought up his charts again. Cold chains of doubt began to twist around his gut. 

“He didn’t even say goodbye to you guys.” He tried, stepping closer to Shiro. “The comms were open, but he didn't say anything to you.”

“He didn’t want us getting distracted from the mission.” Shiro replied, not looking back at him. “Why are you so concerned about this?”

“Because the one person you care about more than anyone else was about to  _ fucking kill himself,  _ Shiro!” Matt’s voice had escalated into a shout now. “Why  _ aren’t  _ you concerned?”

“It’s not a big deal, Matt.” Shiro sighed, still facing away from him. “It’s just Keith being Keith.”

Matt couldn’t think of anything else to say. He just stood there, lost. The Shiro he knew back at the Garrison wouldn’t have acted this way. The Shiro he knew would have freaked out. 

_ I know he was captured by the Galra _ , Matt thought to himself, fists clenching,  _ but still, how could he have changed this much?  _

He remembered the way Shiro had looked at him after cutting his leg, how his face had softened when he said  _ ‘Take care of your father.’ _ He couldn’t see any trace of that man in the one that stood before him now, and his heart felt sick. Suddenly a thought struck him, and he went cold all over, as if he had just stepped into an ice storm.

_ Maybe it’s not him _ .

Matt quickly turned on his heel and started to leave the room, not trusting his face to conceal the awful thought. How could he possibly think that about his friend? But still…

As the door slid shut behind him, Matt took one quick glance back. All he could see was Shiro’s back but… now that the idea was in his head… it was suddenly so obvious. 

_ It’s not him. It’s not Shiro. _

Suddenly he was running, tripping over himself in his rush to get down to the lab. He had to talk to his sister, they had to do something. 

As expected, Pidge and Hunk were in the lab, fiddling with something. They both jumped when Matt crashed inside, out of breath.

“Matt? What’s wrong?” Pidge asked, jumping to her feet.

“Is someone attacking?” Hunk summoned his bayard, but Matt waved at him to put it down.

“No one’s attacking.” he panted. “I just…” He took a second to get his breath back, his sister watching him worriedly, before he started explaining. 

“I think something is wrong with Shiro.” 

Pidge tilted her head a little. “What do you mean? Did he get hurt in the attack?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant. He’s acting strange.” 

“Strange how?” Hunk jumped in. 

“I told him Keith was going to sacrifice himself on the last mission, and he didn’t even seem bothered.” 

Both of the paladins eyes widened. “Keith was gonna what?” Pidge asked incredulously. “But he didn’t even say anything to us!” 

“Exactly.” answered Matt solemnly. “He was going to crash his ship through the barrier. He knew he was going to die, he didn’t say anything to any of you, and for some reason Shiro thinks this is all completely fine.”

“Ok, that’s weird.” Hunk said. “Definitely weird. Shiro and Keith are like brothers, I would have expected him to totally freak out.”

“Do you think the Galra messed with his head somehow?” Pidge had her thinking face on now, examining a hundred different possibilities at once. “Or maybe a clone?”

“Maybe. Whatever it is, we’ve gotta figure it out, and fast. Whatever’s wrong with him, it’s not doing the team any favors.”

“Hmmmm.” Pidge turned back to her computer screen, pondering. “If he’s a clone, they would have needed to build him a new arm. I’ve scanned Shiro’s arm before, and it’s impossible to build anything perfectly identical, so if I could get a new scan and compared the two, some differences might stick out.”

“Good. In the meantime, someone should go talk to Keith.” Matt said, not having forgotten what his original objective was. 

“Uh, are you sure about that?” Hunk asked, sounding a little nervous. “None of us besides Shiro are really that close to him. Besides, it might just be a Blade of Marmora thing.”

Matt shook his head firmly, brow furrowing. “Even if it is a Blade thing, that doesn’t mean we should let him keep throwing his life away every chance he gets.”

“I mean, that’s kind of Keith’s thing.” Pidge chimed in, looking up from her screen. “He’s constantly doing things like that. Ya know, volunteering for dangerous missions, flying through asteroid fields, going head to head with Zarkon. He’s pretty reckless.”

“This wasn’t just reckless, Katie.” the use of her real name sobered the green paladin immediately. “This was total acceptance. If Lotor had shown up just half a tick later, Keith would be dead right now.”

“Yeah, and so would all of us.” Hunk said, still not grasping the gravity of the situation. 

“How do none of you guys realize,” Matt began, trying his best not to snap but maybe failing just a little, “that the next time Keith goes on a suicide run he might not come back?” 

Both the paladins looked up at him with sad eyes, but he was on a roll now, and he couldn’t stop.

“Other people won’t always be there to deus ex machina him away from death! If he keeps going like this, he is going to  _ die _ , sooner rather than later.” 

“Why do you care about him so much?” Pidge asked softly. “You two have barely met.”

Matt sighed. “I knew him before, back at the Garrison. And I knew Shiro, the real Shiro, and he would completely break if anything happened to Keith.”

There was silence for a moment before Pidge spoke again.

“Ok, one of us should go and talk to him. But who?”

* * *

Keith was training, outside with Kolivan. The sun had just began to set on this planet, bathing the area with golden light. It reminded Keith of fall on Earth, but he didn’t let the thought linger. If he didn’t pay attention, he was going to get even more battered than he already was. 

Kolivan never went easy on him, and every training session left him with more bruises and cuts than before. He was grateful for the chance to improve, but going on missions kind of sucked when he was already beat to crap before they started. 

His ears pricked up a little when he heard the sound of a ship flying overhead, and suddenly there was an ache in his chest. He missed flying. He missed Red. He missed the Castle, and Shiro, and the other paladins, even Lance. He missed the feeling of his bayard in his hand, like it was always meant to be there, just an extension of his arm. 

Kolivan noticed his distraction, and faster than Keith could track, he was striking him in the gut and kicking his feet out from underneath him. He hit the ground hard, all of the breath knocked out of him and his ears slightly ringing. Then he felt the cold touch of Kolivan’s blade on his throat. He had lost this round. 

“You cannot be distracted.” said the older Galra.

“I know.” Keith ground his teeth, angry with himself for getting so sentimental. Kolivan was right, he couldn’t get distracted. Him being here was best for everyone, and he would just have to get over it. 

“Keith?” He sat up rapidly and looked behind him, where the voice had come from. To his surprise, the blue (red?) paladin stood there, a concerned look easily visible on his face as he carried his helmet underneath his arm.

“Lance?” The ship Keith had heard earlier must have been the Red lion. No wonder he got distracted. 

Lance approached, holding out his hand to help Keith to his feet. Keith accepted. “What are you doing here?”

“I have to talk to you.” he said, much more solemnly than Keith had come to expect from him. “Alone.”

Keith glanced over at his trainer, who nodded understandingly and started back towards the building they were staying in. Keith waited until he was a safe distance away, then looked back at his companion. Lance was studying his ruffled state with mild alarm.

“Dude, what have you been doing, wrestling with alligators?” Keith couldn’t help chuckling a little.

“Something like that. So, what do you have to talk to me about? Did Shiro send you?”

“Look, I’m here because we want you to come back to Team Voltron.” Keith was unable to hide his surprise. They wanted him to come back? Why? They didn’t need him to form Voltron anymore, why would they want him to come back otherwise?

“Did the Black Lion stop listening to Shiro again?” he ventured to ask, assuming that must be why.

“No, Keith, this isn’t about the lions.” He frowned, deeply confused, and Lance took a breath before continuing. “Matt told us about what you tried to do on Naxzela.” 

Keith immediately went into defense mode, crossing his arms tightly across his chest and turning his head away slightly. “And what, are you guys gonna get mad at me for trying to save you?”

“We’re not angry, Keith, we’re worried about you.” 

Keith’s eyebrows drew together, somewhere in between anger and confusion. “What?” 

“I know the Blade of Marmora is big on the whole self sacrifice thing,” Lance said, and Keith flinched slightly, recalling Regris. But Lance kept going, a determined look in his eyes. “and I don’t think it’s the best place for you right now.” 

“What are you talking about?” Absolutely nothing about this conversation made sense to him. “You guys can form Voltron just fine without me, it makes much more tactical sense for me to be here with the Blade where I can be useful.”

“This isn’t about tactics, or Voltron, or the war.” Lance responded intensely. “This is about you, as a person, as our friend. The Blade isn’t helping you, it’s just beating the shit out of you and encouraging you to throw your life away.”

“Why do you care?” Keith snapped, taking a step back from Lance. “So long as it helps the cause, what do you guys care if I live or die? You’ve been just fine without me so far.”

Lance, to Keith’s surprise, looked genuinely wounded. “Keith, you’re a part of the team. You’re our friend. How could you think we don’t care?”

“You’d be fine.” Keith insisted, dodging the question and dropping his gaze to the ground. He couldn’t stand to keep looking at him. 

“Even Shiro?” Lance challenged, and Keith clenched his jaw until it hurt. “You and I both know he’d break if anything happened to you.” 

“I can’t go back, Lance. I’m not going to steal a lion out from underneath you or Allura. You’re both good paladins, better than I was. I don’t belong there anymore.”

“You don’t have to fly a lion to be a paladin, Keith.”

“I’m not a paladin, I’m a blade now.”

Keith was still looking at the ground, and didn’t see Lance approaching until his hand clapped down on his shoulder. Keith looked up, startled, and stared right at Lance’s solemn face. 

“You don’t have to pick a side.” he said softly. “I’m not asking you to stop doing missions with the Blade of Marmora, I’m not asking you to go on missions with us. I just want you to come back home, to the Castle.” Keith’s breath hitched at the word home, feeling an unexpected pang in his chest. 

“We already tried that.” he answered, unable to keep his misery out of his voice. “And it didn’t work.”

“That was before Shiro got the Black lion to connect with him again.” 

Keith yanked away from Lance’s grasp, starting to reach his breaking point. He had to end this conversation, now, before he crumbled completely. 

“No, Lance, I can’t.”

“Why not? We’re a team, a family, just let us-”

“No, it won’t last!”

“What does that mean?”

“It never lasts.” Keith couldn’t keep himself from shouting, couldn’t keep the words in. He was crumbling. “It never lasts. I always do something wrong, screw things up, make everyone hate me. It’s easier to- to-” To his horror, he felt tears spring up in his eyes. 

_ Damnit _ , he thought, wiping them away with his fist. He wouldn’t let Lance see him cry. 

“It’s easier to just stop now, before I get too close, before it hurts too much. I’ve already let all of you down, disappointed all of you, even Shiro, and I just have to get out of dodge before I ruin everything.”

“Keith…” Lance reached out for him, but he took another step back. Shame burned on his cheeks; he couldn’t believe he just dumped all of that in front of Lance.  _ Lance _ , for god’s sake. 

The sun had been steadily setting this whole time, and now twilight fell over the two of them, vaguely lit here and there by what seemed to be alien fireflies. 

“Please just go, Lance.” he said quietly, not looking at him. There was silence, and then Lance spoke.

“Fine. I’ll go. But I’ll be back. I’m not giving up on you.”

Then he was gone, and his words stayed burned into Keith’s mind. 

_ I’m not giving up on you _ .

Suddenly he couldn’t take it anymore. Angrily fisting away the last of his tears, he gripped the hilt of his knife and stormed back into the building. Kolivan looked up, startled by his sudden entrance.

“Let’s keep training.”

* * *

 

“Ugh!” Keith hit the floor for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. If the pain in his side was any indication, Kolivan had cracked a rib or two with that last kick. He laid there for a second and stared up at the ceiling, trying to breathe.

_ Patience yields focus _ .

Kolivan appeared in his vision, looming over him. He didn’t touch his blade to Keith’s throat the way he usually did, he just looked down at the kid. 

“Enough, Keith.” he said softly. Keith ground his teeth.

_ So that’s how we’re doing it?  _ With great effort and no little amount of pain, he flipped over and levered himself to his hands and knees.  _ Stupid cult and their damn mind games. _

“Stop.” 

“I don’t wanna stop.” Keith ground out, fighting his way to his feet and slowly raising his knife again. Kolivan didn’t move. “Come on!”

“No.” His trainer responded evenly. “You’re no use to me half dead.”

Keith scowled at him, but his muscles were burning, and he sank back down onto his knees. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, he was starting to realize that he hurt absolutely everywhere. 

“You have to pick a side.” Keith looked back up at the Galra, brow furrowed in confusion.

“What?”

“You have to choose. Be a Blade or be a Paladin. If you don’t choose, you will continue to be distracted, and you will get either yourself or someone else killed.”

Keith let out a small scoff. “Since when have you cared who lives or who dies? Don’t Blades believe the mission is more important than the individual?”

“We do. But if you die, I will have to answer to Voltron. Choose.” Without waiting for Keith’s answer, Kolivan turned and walked away, leaving him to his swirling thoughts.

* * *

 

Lance was nervous as he approached the city. This had to be the fifth or sixth time he had come to see Keith, and every time the conversation ended up the same. The others were starting to lose hope, but he refused to give up. If their Shiro really wasn’t Shiro, Keith had to know, and he had the right to be with them when they really found him. 

As the landing pad came into sight, he was surprised to see someone sitting on it. He began to lower the lion to the ground, and caught sight of a red jacket. It was Keith, sitting on the landing pad with his knees drawn up to this chest, not in his Marmora gear. 

Lance landed the lion, careful not to squish Keith, and headed down to the ground. Keith didn’t look up until he was right in front of him.

“Keith?”

“Kolivan said I had to choose.” he said, not seeming to be looking at Lance, but rather through him. “I’m useless to the Blades unless I’m confident in where I belong, and I had to choose.”

“And what did you choose?” Lance asked quietly. Finally, the other boy's eyes focused in on him. 

“Voltron. If… if you guys still want me.” 

Lance felt the grin spread across his face, and held out a hand to Keith. He studied it for a moment, and then took it, letting Lance pull him to his feet. 

“Welcome back, buddy.” Lance’s voice was heartfelt and genuine. He paused for a moment, and then looked up at the lion.

“Do you wanna fly us home?”

Keith’s eyes widened. “Are you sure?” 

Lances smile was easy. “Yeah, I’m sure.” 

A moment later they were in the cockpit, Keith in the pilot’s seat. As he gingerly grasped the controls, Red’s contented purr resonated in his chest, and he smiled. 


End file.
